Saturday, February 4, 2012

INTO A PETULANT DAWN










into a petulant dawn and out of the ruins
a mother and child, fused to each other
dart beneath their country's flag
torn loose and billowing like winter clouds

they dance to the
staccato of the Kalashnikovs
scarring the ground beneath them
as they,still latched in lock-step,swallow
exile's metallic after-taste;
note vaguely rebellion's scars
already beginning
to form

S.E.Ingraham©



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28 comments:

  1. Rinkly RimesFebruary 5, 2012 at 3:58 AM

    A vivid image. 'Still latched in lock-step' paints a grim picture. Grim words this week.

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    1. S.E.IngrahamFebruary 5, 2012 at 5:23 PM

      Thanks Rinkly - I agree - it's something I could visualize myself ...

      Delete
  2. Dr. Pearl Ketover Prilik (PKP)February 5, 2012 at 6:02 AM

    "rebellion's scars already beginning to form" Wonderful line in an as usual wonderful poem!

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    1. S.E.IngrahamFebruary 5, 2012 at 5:25 PM

      Thank you so much Pearl - your comments are always so insightful ... I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment!

      Delete
  3. vivinfranceFebruary 5, 2012 at 6:37 AM

    Bravo. I suppose the warlike theme of so many wordlers' work is inevitable, given the material we had to work with!

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    1. S.E.IngrahamFebruary 5, 2012 at 5:26 PM

      It's funny Viv - the word staccato had me first thinking of stiletto heels and dancing but the muse wants what the muse wants and war and bullets was where we ended up ... thanks for reading and commenting

      Delete
  4. AnonymousFebruary 5, 2012 at 6:52 AM

    Such a sad story, made sadder by how common it is.

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    1. S.E.IngrahamFebruary 5, 2012 at 5:28 PM

      Isn't that the truth? The common part I mean? That it should somehow be a universal truth easily recognized in poetry ... thanks for reading and commenting.

      Delete
  5. brenda wFebruary 5, 2012 at 7:26 AM

    The image of dancing to the staccato of Kalshnikovs is frightening. Powerful piece, Sharon.

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    1. S.E.IngrahamFebruary 5, 2012 at 5:29 PM

      Thanks Brenda. It's that image that sparked the entire poem for me ...

      Delete
  6. barbaraFebruary 5, 2012 at 7:34 AM

    Yep. True.
    I'm impressed that you added so much with so few additional words. I'm incapable of that

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    1. S.E.IngrahamFebruary 5, 2012 at 5:30 PM

      thank you so much barbara, especially for these words ... I am not known for being succinct so if I've accomplished a fair poem with few words, I doubly thrilled

      Delete
  7. nanFebruary 5, 2012 at 7:38 AM

    Terrific! I especially liked this part... Wow.

    they dance to the
    staccato of the Kalashnikovs
    scarring the ground beneath them
    as they,still latched in lock-step,swallow
    exile's metallic after-taste;

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    Replies
    1. S.E.IngrahamFebruary 5, 2012 at 5:32 PM

      Thanks nan - as I've mentioned in other replies, the "dance to the staccato of the Kalashnikovs" was the spark that generated the entire poem for me so I'm glad you liked that part esp!

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  8. Laurie KolpFebruary 5, 2012 at 7:48 AM

    You drew me in from the very first word, Sharon. I love this!

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    1. S.E.IngrahamFebruary 5, 2012 at 5:35 PM

      Thanks Laurie - as you no doubt know, it's sometimes hard to know how to get into a poem and I did wrestle with the opening with this so I'm glad it hooked you ...

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  9. DaydreamertooFebruary 5, 2012 at 8:34 AM

    This is so vivid for it's sad reality of what is happening in so many parts of the world today.
    Very vivid imagery. Great use of the wordle words.

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    1. S.E.IngrahamFebruary 5, 2012 at 5:35 PM

      Thank you - I'm glad you liked the outcome but agree it is a sad reality unfortunately.

      Delete
  10. flaubertFebruary 5, 2012 at 10:46 AM

    War seems to be the theme this week. Very well done.

    Pamela

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    1. S.E.IngrahamFebruary 5, 2012 at 5:36 PM

      Yes - the words worked well for this theme although I hadn't planned to go there right off - thanks for reading and commenting.

      Delete
  11. margoFebruary 5, 2012 at 11:27 AM

    I love this. You managed to use the words as they are meant and not sound trite. Instead a strong, vivid scene. I was going to quote the first stanza as what I loved and then read the second stanza...seems silly to quote the entire poem!

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    1. S.E.IngrahamFebruary 5, 2012 at 5:37 PM

      margo - thank you so much! you are very kind and effusive with your praise; I will be hugging it close all day ...

      Delete
  12. cathyFebruary 5, 2012 at 5:21 PM

    terrific imagery, love the sharpness of it

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    1. S.E.IngrahamFebruary 5, 2012 at 5:38 PM

      Thanks so much cathy - for reading and for commenting; glad you enjoyed the poem.

      Delete
  13. MaryFebruary 5, 2012 at 6:47 PM

    Strong and intensely beautiful. I like what you did with these words!

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  14. Sasha A. PalmerFebruary 6, 2012 at 5:27 PM

    A powerful, moving poem, Sharon.

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  15. When Words EscapeFebruary 6, 2012 at 6:30 PM

    I agree with so much already said...

    I especially liked the echo of thought from being fused to latched...

    Well done!

    ~Paula

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  16. SusannahFebruary 7, 2012 at 2:35 AM

    "into a petulant dawn and out of the ruins
    a mother and child, fused to each other
    dart beneath their country's flag
    torn loose and billowing like winter clouds"

    - Wonderfully vivid writing, almost cinematic in the images that it threw up in my minds eye. I loved what you did with the wordle words here.

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